I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
