I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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