whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
