The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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