Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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