doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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