They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
