I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
