I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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