I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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