miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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