my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize