I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
