I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
