I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
