My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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