There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
