I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
