I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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