you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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