I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
