I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
