Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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