a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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