im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
