my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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