I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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