I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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