Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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