I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize