alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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