apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize