I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
