i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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