she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
