There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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