Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
