I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
