ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
