My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
