I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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