I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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