Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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