He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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