I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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