I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
