She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
