P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
