This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
