I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
