I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
