God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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