I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She even gives head with a lisp.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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