He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I am naked and annoyed.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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