I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
