Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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