This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
