He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
