You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
