and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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