Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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