Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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