Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
