Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
