I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
