a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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