the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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