Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize