im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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